Introduction
Growing up as young Christians, we were taught from the Bible the importance of perseverance in difficulty and having a positive attitude towards life. However there is also an unconscious and unspoken virtue that seems to be creeping into the faith, i.e. suffering in silence: regardless of how appealing this may be, is this truly biblical? (put differently; does the Bible teach us to keep quiet about our needs when we go through difficulty?). The acceptance of this statement is clear when we tell people about our negative situations and they respond “Life and death lies on your tongue (Proverbs 18:21), so don’t say that, say only good things”. In this write-up, I seek to answer questions about what the bible says about expressing our needs; also does it mean we lack faith when we express our emotions about (or describe) negative life events?
Suffering in Silence? Jesus expressed his needs
“After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!”” (John 19:28 NKJV).
Jesus said he was thirsty? I was surprised the first time I read the verse above and had to comment on it. I began to ask myself the following questions; Was this not the man (Jesus) who …
- … did not complain when he fasted 40 days and 40 nights in the desert (Matt 4:2)?
- … refused to turn stone into bread and said “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”(Matt 4:4 ESV)?
- … told the woman at the well that “whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever”(John 4:13-14 ESV)?
Looking at these questions, I concluded two things: either all that Jesus taught before he went to the cross was not true, or he wanted to teach some lessons about how God knows the needs of humans and that humans can express their needs. The first conclusion is unlikely because the uncertainty of current events does not have any effect on past occurrences. Also, the veracity of each statement of Jesus is independent of other statements: the falsity of one statement does not affect others.
God Knows Our Needs
There are several basic needs of humans which include physical (water, food and air), psychological (i.e. emotional) and others. All these are essential for human beings and the lack of any results in a grave effect. As such God made provision for the satisfaction of the needs in the garden. For example, regarding the need for companionship, the Bible says in Genesis 2:18 that “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”” Some people may comment that God does not know how humans feel. This is because He is Spirit and we are flesh. However as Christians, we understand that Jesus is God in human form: from John 1:1-5, 14 we read how Jesus took part in the creation and how he gives life. So for Jesus to experience thirst and hunger means that these are legitimate needs that humans need to satisfy. Someone may say “What about emotional needs? did Jesus go through emotional moments?” The answer to this question will help dispel the statement that “as a Christian, you can never be sad”. The Bible records several emotional moments that Jesus went through, some examples are (I boldened the text for emphasis):
- Jesus felt sad, Matthew 26:30 “Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
- He felt betrayed, Luke 22:48 “but Jesus asked him, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?”
- He felt grieved, John 11:33-36 “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
Why did Jesus have to experience these needs and emotions? The answer is captured in Hebrew 2:18 below:
“Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted”.
The point I am raising here is that God knows our needs and he makes provisions for them. This is also exemplified in the life of Jesus when he experienced certain needs. Your needs are therefore legitimate.
Express Your Needs
From the above discussion, if Jesus experienced certain needs and expressed them, then it is not wrong for us to do the same. For example, when Jesus says “I thirst”, he is acknowledging his need. This was the second time the Bible recorded that he was thirsty. The first time was at the well when he requested water from the Samaritan woman (John 4). At that moment he had a choice to go to another place for water. But in the second instance, he had no choice but to trust that the individuals around him will help. In all these, he expressed his needs in hope that those around him will provide for them.
We only express our needs when it is beyond our means to satisfy them. At that moment we require others to help us.
This means that it is not wrong for us to express our needs and emotions. For example, the Bible says that “When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep.” (1 Samuel 30:3-4). The Apostle Paul also noted that Philippians 2:26-28 “For he longs for all of you and is distressed because you heard he was ill. Indeed he was ill, and almost died. But God had mercy on him, and not on him only but also on me, to spare me sorrow upon sorrow. Therefore I am all the more eager to send him, so that when you see him again you may be glad and I may have less anxiety.” This statement by the apostle contains so many emotions (as I have highlighted), the profound one is that if his friend had died he would have been in great sorrow.
The point I am making here is that expressing one’s needs and emotions is not a lack of faith but part of our human expression. Jesus himself noted in John 16:33 that “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” If Jesus knows that we would have trouble, then it follows that he knows we will express it, that’s why he adds that “take heart!” meaning be comforted when you are troubled. Will you need comfort if you do not go through a negative experience?
After Thought
The purpose of expressing our needs is to communicate them to others to come to our aid. This means that others around us also have a responsibility as to how to act. However, there have also been instances where people totally ignore our needs even when they are clearly expressed.
How should others respond to our needs?
From the reading above (John 19:28), after Jesus expressed his needs, the response of the people around him was quite shocking: He expected to get water to drink, however, the scripture says “A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips.” (verse 29). Where on earth do we use wine vinegar to quench thirst? The people’s actions were so callous. The first point of call for us to respond to people’s needs is to show empathy, i.e. putting ourselves in those people’s place. It requires that we give them comforting words and also provide for their needs when necessary. From the above (Matthew 26:30) when Jesus was sad and needed comfort, he told his disciples “Stay here and keep watch with me.” Also, Proverbs 3:27-28 notes that “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbour, “Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you”— when you already have it with you.” Paul says in Galatians 6:10 that “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” Those two verses also reveal that helping others should not cause us distress, it says “in your power to act” and “have opportunity”. This means that at the least we can give comforting words or direct people to places where they can get help. This also implies that when we need help, we should also direct our attention to people who are willing and able to help.
What if People do not help?
The first thing we have to do when our needs are obviously ignored is to take solace in God. In 1 Samuel 30 above, after crying and realising that no help was coming “David found strength in the Lord his God.” (1 Samuel 30:6b). Also as Jesus said we should “take heart”. We should also understand that our problems are not unique; understanding this prevents us from presuming that negative things happen to only us. Paul noted, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Cor 10:13 NIV). God knows best and knows our needs to make provision for it at all times (Luke 11:11-13 NIV).
Conclusion
In conclusion, I have demonstrated that expressing our needs and emotions is a legitimate way of getting help and that it is not an act of unbelief to do that. I have also noted that if people express their needs we are required to provide the support that is within our means. However even if our needs are obviously left unmet by people, we can trust in God to make a way.
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